I read all three books in the 50 Shades of Grey series. I’ll reserve my review for another day. I simply recall reading this book and thinking, this bitch, i.e., Christian Grey has nothing on SIR. Sure he ties her up and wants to cane her, but the SIR I know won’t even let me have an orgasm. He once held my hand and made me pinch my clit as he fucked my ass. “Harder,” he demanded of me. He wanted me to hurt.

He is not always this way and he does so with my consent but I’m just saying. Fuck Christian Grey. SIR puts me in full latex enclosure, restricts my breathing and ensures I’m uncomfortable before he’ll touch me ONLY on his terms. Yes, FUCK Christian Grey. That book is BDSM for Dummies. Christian Grey put her in handcuffs. SIR put weighted clamps on my vaginal lips. Yea, fuck Grey.

But who am I judge. We all have our preferences and tolerances within the BDSM world. Perhaps what I’ve done with SIR is nothing compared to what others are into. I get that. Even still, fuck Christian Grey.

I am a switch. Within me there lives two archetypes.

One is an aggressive dominatrix that gets off on pain, withdrawal and piercing seduction. The other is a flirtatious submissive that wants to play and tease and be spanked and slapped around. That sub in me wants to be taken, ordered, commanded and fantasizes about naughty things like being kidnapped or fucked by a stranger. (Those two don’t go hand and hand. I don’t want a stranger kidnapping me and fucking me.) That part of me doesn’t want to wear panties and she wants the wind to blow her skirt up. She wants to be a sex doll, a sex kitten, a whore and an innocent fawn to be eaten. But the dom in me is ruthless, cut throat, punishing, demanding and a force to be wrecked with. She doesn’t want you to look at her until she commands it and you’re never allowed to fuck up. I tether between both in my day to day life.

More musing on the Rubber Ball….

There was so much to take in at the new york rubber ball but there was a moment I recall the most. There came a point when I could no longer stand in my heels. Heels that SIR picked out because he’s particular about these kinds of things. I wasn’t the only one. Many of the women had taken off their shoes. Some sat barefoot on the floor because there weren’t any other seats. Interestingly enough, none of the men in heels seemed to have an issue. I don’t know how the fuck they do that. BITCHES!

So I’m sitting in a chair watching some fetish fantasy scene where there are people in cages and a girl is giving a blow job to a dildo that squirts and someone is covered in milk and cream and there are chains and whips and loud music…

Then SIR puts his hands on my shoulder and ever so gently he begins to give me a massage. I can feel his distinct touch even through the latex catsuit. I welcomed it. I wanted it. The suit and the red lipstick prevented me from kissing him every time I wanted. I didn’t want to stain his face with red. Therefore, his massaging touch gave me the release I wanted…or so I thought.

Eventually his massaging became harder and his hands moved up my shoulders and towards my neck. Next thing I know his hands are around my neck and slowly he tightens his grip.

I went into a semi orgasmic state. My breathing became shallow. My body felt so good. I wondered if anyone noticed. At one point I let out a audible sigh. And right when I reached the tip of my high, his hands released my neck.

I saw a lot of shit at that ball. But I will always remember SIR choking me in a crowded room and feeling like we were the only two people there.

A few weeks ago SIR and I attended the NY RUBBER BALL. I had no idea what to expect and from my time there this is what I gather….

1. People need the freedom to let their freak flag fly.

2. People need community.

3. People need openness, acceptance including self acceptance and the opportunity to celebrate.

4. People need to explore their dark fantasies. They do no good living in your mind. (unless it involves children or hurting animals. Keep that shit in your head, sick bastards).

I saw a lot and learned a lot about latex and rubber but most importantly what stood out was that we just need the freedom to be the fetish loving, freaky, weird people that live in our heads.

I don’t think we can just be this way at home. I think we need public places to fuck around with our kinks. So I’m grateful for blogs and rubber balls and meet ups and suspension parties and men who reveal nipple clamps and riding crops on the first date.

An excerpt from our conversations….

Master: I’m going to be extremely gentle and have you move very slow, back and forth on my cock. I want to watch it slowly go in until your ass is touching the base of my cock. I’ll be in your ass in every position imagineable. You’ll be on your stomach, legs together….reverse cowgirl with you lowering yourself onto it….standing. Although the position I’ll cum in your ass will be you with your ass in the air, legs spread so your ass bounces while my cock goes in and out and the palms of your hands flat against the ground with me pressing you into the floor from behind…giving me leverage to go deeper.

SIREN: Oh wow. Yes Please.

An excerpt from a conversation in which I made a witty comeback.

Master: Keep that up and I’ll be coming over extremely late and teaching you a lesson.

SIREN: No Sir. I don’t want that. I just like to be sarcastic and teasing at times.

Master: Glad you clarified that. :-)

SIREN: Yes. I am a very sarcastic person. And I am a big tease and I like to play with words. It’s my nature.

Master: That’s fine. You can play with words while my entire cock is in your ass.

SIREN: Ha!

Him: I want you apologizing the entire time my cock is in your ass, understand?

SIREN: Yes Sir

Him: Give me an example NOW of what you’ll say.

SIREN: I’m so sorry for misbehaving Sir. Please fuck my ass. I deserve it.

Him:  :-)